After I posted about my "friend," I still am feeling pretty crappy. Thank you all for listening and reading that post- I know it's a hard one to respond to, but it really helped get things out there and a way for me to vent.
I decided that I needed to talk to my psychiatrist more about this. Her recommendation was to talk to a therapist who would be able to give me more time to talk things over since I do not require medication.
Two weeks ago, I met with my new therapist and the session was more of a getting to know me, she wanted to know what brought me to her and basically an overview of my life etc. The hour appointment was over before I knew it and I did shed a few tears. I left feeling like it was nice to talk to someone, but I didn't feel as though anything was resolved. I think it will be a long(er) process for me to figure things out, but I think I am on the right track.
It's amazing how things were going so well for me and finding out this lie and more importantly the fact that my "friend" lied to me, to screw me back up. Luckily, I am no where near where I was, I
Some of my issues that I hope to work out with the therapist:
~Lying to me for 12 years.. Do I want to continue to be friends with her? Can I ever trust her again?
~If I decide not to be friends with her ever again, how do I work through this grieving feeling that I have. I am mourning the loss of this friend.
~I've been hurt a lot by so-called friends that it's hard for me to open up and make new friends- how do I get past that?
After my appointment a few days ago, I have determined that what's the most upsetting to me is that after my "friend" told me this lie, She basically told me that if I wanted to continue the friendship, that I would have to be the one to reach out to her to do so. She's the one who lied, but I have to reach out to her? What the hell? I feel like by telling me this, not only is she making me feel like now it's my fault that we are no longer friends but that she could careless about being friends with me because she's not going to put in any effort into our relationship or trying to fix it.
It's a big slap in the face more than finding out she has been lying for 12 years or what the actual lie was about.
I am not a failure because I don't have many super close girlfriends.I just have a guard up and this "friend" situation, is exactly why I have built a guard. After years and years of friends abandoning me or moving on when I gave 110% into our friendship and obviously not getting 110% back.
I desperately want to move past this.
I decided that I needed to talk to my psychiatrist more about this. Her recommendation was to talk to a therapist who would be able to give me more time to talk things over since I do not require medication.
Two weeks ago, I met with my new therapist and the session was more of a getting to know me, she wanted to know what brought me to her and basically an overview of my life etc. The hour appointment was over before I knew it and I did shed a few tears. I left feeling like it was nice to talk to someone, but I didn't feel as though anything was resolved. I think it will be a long(er) process for me to figure things out, but I think I am on the right track.
It's amazing how things were going so well for me and finding out this lie and more importantly the fact that my "friend" lied to me, to screw me back up. Luckily, I am no where near where I was, I
Some of my issues that I hope to work out with the therapist:
~Lying to me for 12 years.. Do I want to continue to be friends with her? Can I ever trust her again?
~If I decide not to be friends with her ever again, how do I work through this grieving feeling that I have. I am mourning the loss of this friend.
~I've been hurt a lot by so-called friends that it's hard for me to open up and make new friends- how do I get past that?
After my appointment a few days ago, I have determined that what's the most upsetting to me is that after my "friend" told me this lie, She basically told me that if I wanted to continue the friendship, that I would have to be the one to reach out to her to do so. She's the one who lied, but I have to reach out to her? What the hell? I feel like by telling me this, not only is she making me feel like now it's my fault that we are no longer friends but that she could careless about being friends with me because she's not going to put in any effort into our relationship or trying to fix it.
It's a big slap in the face more than finding out she has been lying for 12 years or what the actual lie was about.
I am not a failure because I don't have many super close girlfriends.I just have a guard up and this "friend" situation, is exactly why I have built a guard. After years and years of friends abandoning me or moving on when I gave 110% into our friendship and obviously not getting 110% back.
I desperately want to move past this.
this sounds tough!! i am hopeful that you can work through this, doing whats best and right for you.
ReplyDeleteI can't imagine what this chick could have held from you for 12 years. That's crazy! I hope you work through this and resolve can come of it.
DeleteI am your newest follower, so I didn't read what had happened to you (I'll be checking it out next). I do want to say that a therapist is really going to help you. I love going and talking to them. It just makes me feel better. You're right about the first appointment though; just a get to know you kinda thing so you can't really determine how it's going go. I will say after a few times going if you don't feel like that therapist is a right match for you, go see someone else. It makes a HUGE difference if you are comfortable with them. Everything will work out for you, you're on your first step to healing. I found your blog via the Wednesday hop, please check out my blog and return the favor: totally_rachel
ReplyDeletehttp://grlnlve.blogspot.com
Sorry to hear about that. Sometimes those close to us hurt us. Sounds like this "friend" doesnt really want to be friends anymore. There are true friends, you just have to find them when you aren't looking.
ReplyDeleteI can't say that I've had a friend lie to me. But I have had a friend who broke my trust. It completely ruined our friendship (she was a best friend at the time). I only knew her for 2 years prior to that (we met in college). But she broke my trust, and I tried to make a friendship work even after the fact... but every time I saw here, I would cringe, remember what she did and wasn't able to move forward.
ReplyDeleteSo, I stepped back, dissolved the friendship and went on with my life.
5 years later I found her on FB and decided to see if we could try again. We met for coffee and pretty much picked up where we left off (before the broken trust). She became a good friend.. then she moved out of the state and made new friends and we rarely talk.
I guess what I'm saying is... you don't have to forgive your friend right now... it may take time. And if you decide you want to continue the friendship - well, great... and if not... well, that's fine too.
I've had a really hard time with friendships so I know how hard this can be. I hope you figure out what's best for YOU.
ReplyDelete